Page 148 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 6
P. 148
Christian Psychotherapy
ter), Jesus has died for you.“ Aggression smelts • Euroopan matka ollut hyvä, sain uusia ystä-
away. Anna says softly to her husband: “If you viä, joihin kontakti jatkuu,
do not want to come, I am leaving, anyway.“ • Saan olla tällainen. ”kankea englantikaan ei
The man does not rage against Anna’s decision. hävettänyt”
Anna‘s anger turns into sorrow that she cannot • Uusi identiteetti: olen erilainen kristitty
share such great experiences (trips) with her motoristi
husband but she is delighted that she can traval • Matka olisi voinut olla avioero ”Jos lähdet,
even if alone. Anna notices the relief that she takaisin ei ole tulemista”, mutta tuntuu kuin
need not worry about the husband`s well-being se olisi uuden alku myös parisuhteessa
and mood. She is learning to give permission to • Erillisyys antaa mahdollisuuden yhteyteen
herself to enjoy what she has and not to mourn • Iloitsin kun mies haluaa tutustua uusiin ih-
what she does not have. misiin. Olin hänestä jopa ylpeä istuessani
Anna struggles with a new life and old expec- hänen vieressään kokoontumisessamme.
tations. Is it possible to take realities as facts? • Edelleen haluan olla tarpeellinen, mutta nyt
“The husband does not change, the former close en tee sitä omien tarpeitteni ja jaksamisen
loving relationship does not return, I need not kustannuksella. Tunnistan kuormittumisen
worry about the husband`s well-being. He is an vaaran. Opettelen rajojen asettamista.
adult, a healthy human being, he is responsible • En anna katkeruudelle tilaa. En anna katke-
for himself. I give myself permission to ask for ruuden tarttua, vaikka mies ilmaisisi katke-
what I need, what I want. I dare to see that in ria ajatuksia.
this stage of life, some else’s well-being is not up • Olen vastuussa omasta elämästäni. Mieheni
to me. I am responsible for my own well-being on vastuussa omastaan.
and coping.“
Anna visited Australia alone and went alone to
the Gospel Riders´ tour of Europe. The husband
escorted her on a journey, and sincerely wished
her a good trip. “I do not like the big groups,“
he assured her. Anna could send her prayer
requests during the trip to her husband when
she had problems with the bike, or coping. The
husband joined the group when they came to
Finland. He wanted to see the tour mates about
whom he had heard about in via Facebook.
Anna’s husband also attended a weekend mee-
ting of the group, which made Anna very happy.
At the last meeting, Anna is happy and empo-
wered. She tells Saara Kinnunen (Finland)
Psychotherapist working
• The European trip was good, I made new in Family Counseling Cen-
friends and the contacts will continue ter in Lutheran Church in
• I am allowed to be as I am. “I was not even Finland. Master of Arts in
ashamed about my poor English“ Social Psychology, Edu-
• A new identity: I am a different Christian cation and Musicology.
biker Board member of ACC in
• Differentiation is the way to connection Finland and of ISARPAC.
• The trip could have resulted in a divorce, “If Author of several books
you leave, there is no coming back,“ but this about marriage, parenting
risk did notmaterialise, as it seems. and counseling.
• I rejoiced when my husband wanted to meet
new people. I was proud of him, even while saara.kinnunen@evl.fi
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