Page 179 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 5

Trauma Recovery Training at a Seminary? Introducing Global Trauma Recovery Institute

ways God has called His people to relate to one did so “before the creation of the world (John
another. I would like to briefly focus on the re- 17:24). He loved Him as He stood on the edge
lationship between the Father and the Son as it of heaven and bid Him farewell. He loved Him
is described in the Gospels. My understanding in Gethsemane. He loved Him at Calvary. The-
of that relationship has profoundly shaped my re was never a time or place where the Father or
work. There are two components to that relati- Son did not love each other. Neither ever acted
onship that I believe teach us a great deal about in a way that contradicted that love.
how relationships were designed to be. First, For humans, it is being loved that makes being
Jesus knew the Father and was known by Him known not terrifying. It is being known that
(reciprocal knowledge). Second, Jesus loved the makes loving fit, appropriate to the individu-
Father and was loved by Him (reciprocal love). al. The reciprocity bestows dignity and secu-
Relationship then, was intended to include reci- rity. If we look at the person of Christ we see
procal knowing and loving. When either quality voice, the expressions of the self, being used as
is absent, or the reciprocity itself is absent, rela- the servant of reciprocal knowledge and love of
tionship is disturbed or distorted or destructive. God and then, from that place, demonstrated
Jesus knew the Father and was known by Him. in human relationships. To exist in relationship
To know others means to see them clearly for without knowledge means voice, or the self, is
who they are in truth. It means to possess cor- not heard, understood or known. To be in rela-
rect information about them (just think about tionship without love, means voice is not hee-
the havoc in relationships due to false informa- ded or, is heard, and is turned back on the self
tion or assumption). To know also carries the in destructive ways. An example of the first is
idea of understanding. It means to have such a the child who is chronically abused by her fa-
sense of the other’s essence that we can predict ther and must exist in a family system where
their responses and feelings and therefore know that reality is denied or ignored. Her true self
how to consider or honor them well. We know is rendered invisible and a false self interacts
and understand their mind and their heart. with others in her world. She is not known and
Jesus knew the Father in this way. He had no therefore is not heard and cannot be loved. An
confused ideas, no misperceptions or half- example of the second would be a husband who
truths about the Father. What He knew about takes the detailed knowledge of the gang rape
the Father was in perfect alignment with who suffered by his wife as an adolescent and uses
the Father was. The Father also knew him. “The that knowledge to re-enact what happened in
Father knows me” (John 10:15). There was re- their bedroom. She is clearly not loved and his
ciprocity. Each was fully accessible to the other. knowledge of her was used to destroy. Again,
Neither was removed, cloaked, disguised or dis- her true self is rendered simultaneously invisib-
torted. There were no corners or crevices hid- le (because knowledge does not lead to loving)
den away of folded up (think of the destruction and present as a tool to destroy. Obviously, as
to relationship when things are folded up and with voice, the Fall brought about the destruc-
hidden such as an affair, a pornography addic- tion of relationship. That which was intended to
tion). Each was known and responded to, ac- be safe haven for the self became dangerous and
cording to the reality of whom they were. full of fear and shame.
Jesus also loved the Father and was loved by
Him. In John 14:31 he says, “The world must POWER
learn that I love the Father”. He knew what was The third concept has been of great interest to
in the heart of the Father and out of His love me since I have worked both with those who
for the Father, delighted to fulfill it. He knew have been victims of abusive power as well as
the Father truly and therefore could love Him those who abuse their power. When I use the
rather than something He imagined Him to be. word “power” I simply mean the ability to make
Everything He did was grounded in love for the something happen. It is the capacity to have im-
Father rather than in His own best interests. pact or influence. Like voice and relationship, it
The Father loved the Son and we are told He was there from the beginning. God gave human

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