Page 156 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 5

A Portrait of a Christian Psychologist: Paul C. Vitz

ceptable aggression. Best of all it fuels our self- (1 Jn 3:15); “If anyone says ‘I love God,’ yet ha-
esteem with wonderful feelings of moral supe- tes his brother, he is a liar” (1 Jn 4:20). Or as
riority. No wonder we love to hate St. Paul writes about the pre-Christian life “For
we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient ….
Hatred and Identity passing our days in malice and envy, hated by
And, now let’s address how these pleasures of men, and hating one another…” (Ti 3:3-4.)
hating also help to give us an identity. By iden- Of course this rejection of interpersonal hating
tity is meant our social identity, our conscious follows from the two great commandments “You
understanding of what kind of person we are shall love God and your neighbor as yourself”.
and especially how our identity relates to the However, the dramatic explicit rejection of hat-
people and social world around us. red in the above words of Jesus is clear and this
The social rewards of hatred have already been obviously undermines morally justified hatred
noted to some degree. Political affiliations often at the personal psychological level. In parti-
involve deep animosities which provide group cular, the command to pray for your enemies
identity, feelings of moral superiority and out- shows a profound understanding of how to
lets for acceptable aggression and even the joys overcome splitting. To love your enemies, even
of victim status when your party or political to attempt to do it, and to pray for them starts
position is out of power. Thus, in all of these the process of making them human and not de-
respects our cultivated angers provide a good mons. These responses start turning your ene-
basis for a social identity. Of course, to these my into both good and bad and not just bad.
we must add all the particular people we hate They start us to overcome splitting. Furthermo-
or strongly resent. Former spouses, a parent, re, the recognition that we have hated someone
ex-boyfriends, the drivers who cut you off and who we now see has some good characteristics
then give you an unpleasant gesture, people (since have we started praying for them) sets up
who snubbed you socially, sometimes a brother that primitive remorse first found in the young
or sister, a minister or priest who failed you, cri- infant but now in an adult who is capable of re-
ticized you or abused you, the list is endless. For cognizing guilt however small. You have hated
example, a priest told me about a visit to a reti- someone who had some good qualities, just like
rement home where he talked with a woman in your original ‘good mother’. This guilt or remor-
her seventies who was still bitter and preoccu- se also signals that your own self is not all good.
pied with a cutting remark made by her sister to This begins overcoming the splitting of yourself
her at her 16th birthday party which took place into all good and enabling you to see yourself
over 50 years earlier. as both good and bad hence morally more like
Again, these hated people give us a sense of who your enemy. There is also now even a possibi-
we are. Our enemies become an important part lity of some desire for reparation on your part.
of our identity and our friends know this often In short, we can now understand that there are
even better that we do since they must learn good psychological as well as good theological
about our hatreds as well as our loves if they are reasons for us to pray for our enemies.
to continue being our friends. For many people Jesus also says “Love your enemies and do good
they wouldn’t know who they were if the people to those who persecute you”. (Mt 5:44) A recent
they hated were removed from their life. non-psychoanalytic theory of hatred by Gilli-
The Problem of a Christian’s Identity gan (1996) provides strong evidence that much
However, Jesus has modeled the rejection of our hatred especially that found among imprisoned
natural tendency to hate others. Quite specifi- criminals is a response to people who were seen
cally Jesus tells us: “You have heard it said ‘You as dis-respecting them. To love and to do good
shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ to such people is thus the very best kind of re-
But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for sponse since love and doing good are seen as
those who persecute (hate) you”. (Mt. 5:43-44). seriously respectful of the other.
Other New Testament verses are equally clear: Yes, but, what are we Christians to do with
“Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer” our identities and self-esteem weakened by

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