Page 81 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 24

Comment

Though he does not blame himself like Richard, St. Augus�ne of
Hippo mourns the unexpected death of a friend. In book IV of
The Confessions (Augus�ne, 1997), he looks back at his loss and
narrates how his own disordered love is both the source of his
grief and contains the seed for his eventual emo�onal and
spiritual restora�on. For Augus�ne, like Richard. grief is an
invita�on to the self-reflec�on. But it is Augus�ne’s willingness
accept the offer of a company of friends, that allows him to
transcend his grief and come a step closer to Christ. As we see
in Augus�ne, my grief is healed only when we embrace the
friendship our grief refuses.

We see this in the opening moments of Augus�ne’s reflec�on Gregory Jensen is a
on his sorrow. “Black grief closed over my heart and wherever I priest of the Ukraini-
looked I saw only death.” This is the source of his estrangement an Orthodox
from all he loves. “My na�ve land was a torment to me and my Church USA and has a
father’s house unbelievable misery. Everything I had shared Ph.D. in spirituality
with my friend turned into hideous anguish without him.” and spiritual forma�-
Longing for his decease friend cause him to not just withdraw on from Duquesne
from his community, but ac�vely oppose it. “My eyes sought University in Pi sbu-
him everywhere, but he was missing; I hated all things because rgh, PA.
they held him not, and could no more say to me, ‘Look, here he His more than 15
comes!’ as they had been wont to do in his life�me when he years of pastoral ex-
had been away.” Ul�mately, he reaches a stage when, like perience with all
Richard, Augus�ne no longer recognize himself and he comes aspects of clergy se-
to see rebellion against God as just. xual misconduct in-
I had become a great enigma to myself, and I ques�oned my cludes inves�ga�ng
soul, demanding why it was sorrowful and why it so allega�ons, cra�ing
disquieted me, but it had no answer. If I bade it, “Trust in disciplinary plans, ad-
God,” it rightly disobeyed me, for the man it had held so voca�g for vic�ms,
dear and lost was more real and more lovable than the and helping parishes
fantasy in which it was bidden to trust. Weeping alone in transiton a�er an
brought me solace, and took my friend’s place as the only offending pastor is
comfort of my soul (Confessions, IV: 4.9). removed.
His misery is the misery of all those “whose mind is chained by
friendship with mortal things, and is torn apart by their loss.” Former contribu�on:
emcapp.ignis.de/5/#p=77
But then he says something both interes�ng and disturbing.
The sorrow he feels in response to his friend’s death reveals to emcapp.ignis.de/9/#p=30
emcapp.ignis.de/10#p=62
him “the misery” we are all in “even before” our loss (IV.6.11).
He speaks for all of us when he says of himself that his misery emcapp.ignis.de/19/#p=27
emcapp.ignis.de/22/#p=66
is rooted in his estrangement form God. “For what I thought of
was not you at all; an empty fantasy and my own error were my
god” (IV.7.12).

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