Page 36 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 18

A poem about “shame“

loser winner twin-overcomer

I s�ll remember I s�ll remember
when mother hit me. how, many years later, someone suddenly said
with her li�le hands. “yes, gladly” when I asked
for shame, for rage, helplessness. to take something off my hands
in front of everybody. which I was too cowardly for.
her every blow and shout and he really meant gladly,
a yes and no to me. just for me, on my side for no reason.
round my neck in his voice, his gestures, his eyes,
hung a big ques�on mark. he began to share bread and wine with me.

I s�ll remember I s�ll remember
how they buffeted me, when, out of habit,
threatened, mocked, I looked for fast and easy answers
�ll the first silent tears flowed. and found them
a fly that came too near no longer.
for these boys, one year older. rigid with fear.
when they let me fly free again, sending a silent, powerless cry heavenwards
I learned, in the shadow of the hedgerows, a breath of wind prodded me,
my life-skills as a shirker. caused my hand to open word by word.
an impulse of non-violence.
I s�ll remember
when, as a youngster, I s�ll remember
during hide-and-seek with neighbours’ how I found it easier and easier
children, to tear up black and white thinking.
I threw one, two pebbles hos�le projec�ons, projec�les,
into where my friends were hiding. which concealed the fear in the other,
then again and again, larger, sharper. could no longer fool me,
With more and more of a rage I had never I dared to stop
known. hiding the other cheek.
because I trusted neither myself how the first step towards the we became the
nor that they could be on my side. new weapon.

I s�ll remember I s�ll remember
how, as a young man, I lied my way through. when I acquired a taste
half-truth lifestyle. for the grace of the twin-overcomers,
amid the astonished protests of my two victors, me, and you, my enemy.
opponents without you no me.
I lied and won, when it emerged, by forge�ng
lived out the slogan where we come from,
I give where we are going,
as good as I get. who we are in jesus christ.
adorning myself with a fake halo.
Werner May (Germany)

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