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hand, were liabilities if felt and verged on the self – about the disobedience and the
vices if expressed. This was my disposition knowledge about sin against G-d. And to
towards unpleasantness in life, and it was make it happen, we have to die for oursel-
the way I expected other people to see ves…
things, too. Inconveniences, disappoint-
ments, and even lost hopes should be to Brett: Yes, I think my experience was very
me (and others), as one aphorism I‘d lear- much like Adam in the Garden. I was hi-
ned in school said, „like water off a duck‘s ding in a false self, „Easy-Going Brett,“ as
back.“ Adam was hiding from God. This was a
At the beginning of my conversation/fight defensive move, made out of distrust and
with Rachael as we drove through Colorado, fear. As Adam distrusted and feared what
I was operating purely out of „Easy-Going God might do, so did I. As a boy, I learned
Brett.“ Rachael‘s frustration with me for to hide from negative emotions in myself
forgetting the camera charger was, surely, and others. The way I hid was by becoming
an inconvenience. It was even, I admitted, „Easy-Going Brett.“ However, I think God
a fault on my part. After saying I was sorry, wanted more for me; he desires me to feel
however, she should simply let it roll off, so and express myself deeply, even when it‘s
we could get back to enjoying the vacation. painful, and he desires me to make space
She would not have it, thankfully. Instead for others in my life to do that. So, he had
of playing into my imbalanced view of life mercy on me and gave me Rachael‘s un-
that dismissed grievances as liabilities, she filtered emotions and heartfelt voice that
called „Easy-Going Brett“ to stand trial. She day, asking me, „Where are you, Brett?“
exposed my disregard for her deep wants Daniel: How is possible to identify our own
and feelings. Instead of downplaying her „bricks“ and give them up?
own inner experience, she expressed it
with raw unfiltered emotion and voice. So, Brett: In my book, one of the four major
I had a choice to make: would I try to pre- questions I ask is, „What interventions can
serve „Easy-Going Brett“ and neglect true foster the true self?“ There are many diffe-
Rachael, or would I try dying to this (false) rent kinds of interventions and tools, many
self in me so that true Rachael and (also of which are modern therapeutic moda-
true Brett) might live and thrive? lities; out of those, I‘m personally attrac-
ted to the relational and group modalities,
Daniel: How can defense mechanisms
and/or awareness play for or against rea- and I apply them frequently in ministry. Of
ching this understanding? course, many of these modern modalities
And all this reminds me of G-d’s question have ancient forms. The character modali-
to Adam after they ate the forbidden fruit: ty, for example, in which people intentio-
He asked איכה (the similarity with your nally submit themselves to regular practi-
- ours reaction/s was amazing for me) - ces in order to shape their thoughts and
„ayeka“ means : “Where are you?” attitudes, has been used by Jews and Chri-
stians for as long as the Shema has been
„… and it hit me like a ton of bricks: “It‘s prayed or the Lord‘s Supper been celebra-
like you‘re asking me to change who I am..“ ted. All of these tools can be used to decon-
struct the false self and build up the true
But more than a specific place – we re- self. However, according to Christianity-
member that G-d knows everything, he
also knows that he personally put them -the worldview I submit to--none of these
in Eden. So, איכה means something about modalities can do lasting good apart from
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