Page 21 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 16
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Daniel Eytan
Daniel Eytan (Israel). Living in Haifa, Israel. Married to Lorena and
happy father of Haleli, Elishay and Liel. M.A Clinical Psychology,
UBA (University of Buenos Aires). Working at Rambam Health-
care Campus, and private practice. Languages: Hebrew, English,
Spanish and Italian. Member of The Israel Psychological Associa-
tion.
Former contributions in our eJournal by Daniel available here:
https://emcapp.ignis.de/15/#p=126
https://emcapp.ignis.de/14/#p=46
https://emcapp.ignis.de/13/#p=94
Daniel Eytan (Israel) speaks to bother you.“ I received these comments
with Brett Vaden about his about me as compliments, coming from
adults I respected and from whom I sought
article approval: family members, school tea-
chers, people at church, and neighbors. I
Daniel: „At one point in the conversation, imagine that, in making these statements,
however, I finally realized what Rachael they were saying them in response to see-
getting at“. What caused this understan- ing how I was handling some difficulty or
ding for you, after two hours?
hurt. For example, in school I was a hard
worker who rarely complained. Noticing
Brett: I could see that Rachael wanted this behavior, teachers singled me out with
something different from me, but at first praise, which encouraged me to continue
I thought just in terms of different behavi- it. What adults like these did not see, or
ors, e.g., remembering things she‘d asked
me to do, being more thoughtful about her chose to ignore, was that though I didn‘t
express it, I often felt the same negative
wants. If she was asking me to remember emotions as any child at school does now
more of what she said, well, I could try to and then: boredom, ambivalence, frustrati-
do that. If she was asking me to do more on, annoyance. And so in other areas of my
things that made her happy, then, yes,
I could put more of her wants on my “to life, my outward „easy-going“ demeanor
was fortified more and more, while my in-
do” list. But that‘s not what she was asking ner feelings and desires went unseen, and
for. She was identifying a bigger part of me thus I assigned them a lesser value, if not
than my incidental behaviors, a part of me outright liability.
that was more like a disposition or way of
seeing. Let‘s give this part of me a name: Thus, because „Easy-Going Brett“ was
something other people liked, it became a
„Easy-Going Brett.“ part of me that I liked and was proud of.
This self-description was not one I created To be „laid back“ was a virtue. Moreover,
by myself, but one I saw through the mir- I not only expected extreme patience and
ror of others in my life who said things like,
„Brett, you‘re so easy-going,“ „You‘re so flexibility in myself but also in others. Inner
feelings of frustration, anger, and the desi-
laid-back,“ and, „Brett, nothing ever seems
re for retribution or justice, on the other
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