Page 42 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 20

please the parent. What appeared to be a true first came to see me, she had been hampered
dependence, was o�en compliance that avoi-
ded conflict and did not allow for true reliance.
The turbulence of this period raises ques�ons.
In the transference the pa�ent wonders if the
therapist is like the parent who is a hypocri�cal
Chris�an. Some�mes the therapist is so ideali-
zed, that their faith is una�ainable for the pa�-
ent. An en�rely unchurched pa�ent may test
the limits of how much vulgarity or salacious
stories the therapist can bear.
When this period is worked through, a pa�ent
comes to know the therapist and themselves as
individuals who have deep, though different,
feelings about their world. They begin to truly
relinquish a feeling of being in control of all
things, and allow themselves to truly need. For
the Chris�an, a capacity to believe that “Jesus
really does think about you” (John 17) becomes
the applica�on of object constancy for the per-
son in Christ. For the pa�ent who walked away
from their faith, they may begin to understand
reac�ons to the parents’ faith were not based
on reason and understanding of the truth. Pre-
viously the pa�ent had not worked through
their own separateness from their parents, but
had a�empted to do so through defiance of
them. Having experienced the therapist’s care
and having worked through the need to be a se-
parate person, the pa�ent is more able to belie-
ve that Christ does not want to control them,
and rather, He desires them and ac�vely seeks
them. Now the pa�ent can reconsider renewed
faith in Christ. For the unchurched pa�ent, the
illusion of omnipotence has been realized, and
a fledgling ability to need someone, and to de-
sire true dependence introduces them to the
omnipotent, benevolent God. As the represen-
ta�ve of true faith in Christ that had been cari-
catured as cultlike or unscien�fic, you, the the-
rapist as a caring, ar�culate, and reliable care-
taker can be a credible witness to “Good
News.”
Case Illustra�on: Claire
Claire, a 46-year-old divorced woman, had be-
en the perfect child. She was the eldest of three
and her mother’s favorite. She a�ended church
regularly and served as a deaconess. When she
42
by panic a�acks and paralyzing anxiety at her
workplace. Her boss had given her a leave of
absence in order for her to have �me to recover
her health
When Claire was 6 years of age, her mother
was diagnosed with breast cancer. Most of Clai-
re’s elementary school years were memories of
mother’s struggle with cancer, with Claire as
mother’s caretaker and confidant. If her mo-
ther needed a drink, a hug, an errand run,
Claire was always sure to intuit and provide.
Unfortunately, dad was pleased with Claire’s
preoccupa�on with mom, since he had li�le ca-
pacity to empathize and support.
One day in our early work, Claire came in with
a box that was beau�fully wrapped. She said it
was for me because of how much I had come to
mean to her. I carefully unwrapped it and found
a beau�ful pair of earrings. She reassured me
that they were only costume jewelry and did
not cost that much. I explained that ethically if
the gi� had been of any significant value, I
would need to politely refuse it. She said she
understood. In subsequent months Claire
would o�en bring something—a cupcake, a
flower, a card—and lovingly gi� me. We gently
explored the meaning of gi�-giving and she re-
solutely held that it was simply a way of sharing
apprecia�on. While I suspected that there was
a repe��on of her past taking place, the �me
was not right, and our rela�onship was not
sturdy enough to explore this.
It was the week before Christmas and as many
of my pa�ents do, Claire brought a gi� which I
an�cipated would be of acceptable monetary
value. Instead, as I opened the fairly large box,
I found to my surprise a genuine Tiffany lamp
that must have cost nearly $1000.00. She said
that I had “turned the lights back on” in her life
and I deserved such a valuable gi�. While it was
difficult to do, I had to tell Claire that I could not
accept this amazing gi�. I explained that it
would be unethical for me to accept something
so costly. Claire burst into tears and said she
knew that I really didn’t care for her, and didn’t