Page 38 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 20

will give a sense of safety and hope. However, I was a�uned to her need to be recognized and
as we will shortly see, this iden�fica�on will
need to mature into a more individualized per-
sonal faith. Faith “through” another person will
need to transi�on into faith “in” an “other” per-
son. The pa�ent will not only model the thera-
pist, but will in �me experience the therapist as
different than them.
Case Illustra�on: Sylvia (4)
Sylvia was a 35-year-old mother of three when
she first saw me (Marie) for therapy. Her marri-
age of eight years was on the verge of collapse,
and she was deeply despondent. Sylvia had
grown up in southwestern Texas, the last of
eight children. Mother and father were raised
Catholic and considered themselves Chris�ans,
but did not a�end church. However, they drop-
ped their children off for Sunday School at a ne-
arby protestant church. Religion had long since
become a relic of the past for Sylvia due to her
“Chris�an” parents’ abysmal care.
Being youngest of eight, she received precious
li�le a�en�on. Mother was always in a frene�c
rush, forge�ng commitments and neglec�ng
Sylvia in the process. On many occasions Sylvia
was le� wai�ng for mother to pick her up a�er
school. She learned later that mom was visi�ng
her “boyfriend” many of those �mes and had
“forgo�en” about her.
Sylvia felt consistently failed by her husband
who, rather than coming home a�er work,
loved to go to the neighborhood pub and laugh
with his buddies. As in her youth, Sylvia felt un-
recognized and uncared for. Her husband had a
well-stocked gun collec�on, and thousands had
been spent to furnish it. When Sylvia asked him
to consider replacing their dishwasher that had
stopped running, he told her that they did not
have the money for it. She felt completely alo-
ne with no one in her life that cared for her.
As I did the ini�al evalua�on, I noted the magni-
tude of dismissal Sylvia had experienced in her
life. From physical needs, to emo�onal needs,
she did not ma�er. There needed to be a speci-
al priority in my work with Sylvia, to ensure that
38
accommodated to in order to feel safe in our
work. Reliability insofar as a regular �me and
space was essen�al. But even more, my spirit
of empathy and deep listening needed to be
genuinely experienced by her.
Sylvia knew that I was a Chris�an and she actu-
ally chose to work with me for this reason. She
felt that I, more than most therapists, could un-
derstand the environment in which she was rai-
sed. As we began our work, I knew that I was a
representa�ve to her of how a Chris�an is cal-
led to be, and I knew that she would be asses-
sing me even as I was trying to learn about her.
Crises piled up in our work. Police had to be
summoned because of a violent alterca�on in
the front yard of their home. Protec�on from
abuse (PFA) orders were filed. The bureau of
Children and Youth were called on numerous
occasions to inves�gate whether or not their
children were safe. Fortunately, I was able to
calmly and reliably be there to help Sylvia navi-
gate the con�nual turbulence of her family, and
help to avoid disastrous consequences. Sylvia’s
husband, David, agreed to begin individual the-
rapy with my husband (Lowell) at this �me.
One day about a year into our work, when a
therapeu�c alliance had begun to take hold, I
asked Sylvia how it had happened that she pos-
sessed virtuous values in spite of the fact that
she was raised in a family with li�le semblance
of a moral compass. She shared that although
her professing Chris�an parents were awful,
they had priori�zed her church a�endance. It
was there that she must have learned her valu-
es. We explored the impact of her early years in
church and Sylvia began to so�en her rejec�on
of Chris�an faith. Soon, Sylvia reported that she
had visited a church nearby, and her husband
had accompanied her. They both found a sense
of peace and encouragement as they sang the
songs and learned through the sermons how
Chris�an marriage is supposed to be.
Sylvia’s impulsivity and ac�ng-out began to de-
crease through her growing understanding of