Page 109 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 21
P. 109
Years passed. Now a young woman and having to respond. Whether due to his drunkenness or
long since lost any conscious connec�on to her a paroxysm of sexual mania, he was shocked
history of trauma, Liza o�en wondered shy she when a young girl shoved him off of her mother
struggled so much with feelings of overwhel- and yelled for him to stop. He scu�led from the
ming anxiety and shame. Marriage, it seemed, room as Liza shook herself free of her fugue
was the best path down which she believed state and, weeping, clung �ght to her daughter.
she’d find the love and acceptance she had ne- Remarkably, though her daughter reported
ver felt. Things were going well with the wed- what she’d seen to dreary-eyed family mem-
ding plans un�l Liza and her fiance discovered bers awakened by her cry, no one called the po-
she was pregnant. Her family was unexpectedly lice. No one did anything. Liza’s abuser was ne-
suppor�ve. His family became angry and cau- ver charged with a crime. The family brushed
s�c. Their religious mores offended, their aspi- the whole thing under the rug. No one spoke of
ra�ons for their son now in jeopardy, they de- it again. History, for Liza, had repeated itself,
manded the two immediately break it off. Over only worse. Now they knew she was raped, yet
her desperate pleas and tears, Liza’s fiance they did nothing. That trauma�zed child shelte-
abandoned her and their unborn child. ring deep within Liza now had confirma�on of
Devastated, her trust sha�ered, Liza would ne- what she’d believed all along: she was alone.
ver again countenance a suitor’s advances. She
determined to raise her daughter alone, if need Liza is now in her six�es and a grandmother.
be. Since no man could be trusted, it would be Over the intervening years, she has twice been
the two of them together against a world of un- diagnosed with cancer. Today, mercifully, she is
safe men. in remission. At some point along the way, she
suffered a severe neurological breakdown,
Thankfully, her family rallied around the pair. To a�er which she had to learn to walk and talk
the degree they were able, her parents suppor- again. She’s been declared medically disabled,
ted Liza and their eldest grandchild. S�ll, there though she gets around well with help. Liza’s
would be more pain to come. Since no one daughter was her whole world un�l she got
knew of his crimes against Liza, her childhood married and moved several states away. Her
abuser was free to come back into the picture. husband can be demanding and domineering,
True, Liza never felt safe around him, but neit- everything that triggers Liza’s trauma�zed past.
her did she known the reasons why. The sum- The frequent turbulence between mother and
mer the whole family gathered for a reunion, daughter stems from his bullying of Liza. As
Liza made it a point to avoid him as much as she with her parents when she was young, so it be-
could manage. Yet, one night, he drunkenly came with her daughter when she’d grown up:
forced his way into her room and raped her Liza’s family doesn’t see her pain. Desperate,
again. Years later in therapy, Liza would recall alone, and convinced it must all be her fault,
being paralyzed as it happened—frozen, help- Liza came for therapy unaware of all the good
less to resist him. The whole �me she could God had in store for her.
hear a child’s voice whispering in her head ,
“Not again . Liza’s Need
. . not again.” Only as we worked our way Christ offers Liza a home in him. He was her re-
through layers of dissocia�ve defenses, would fuge from the pain of trauma�c abuse.
she begin to grasp what it all meant.
He is her healing from toxic shame and self-loa-
When he raped her that night, Liza’s nine year- thing. Where others have abandoned and be-
old daughter was sleeping next to her in the trayed her, his arms welcome her into in�mate
same bed. At some point she woke up and, con- embrace. With him, she is never alone. He sees
fused by what she was seeing, called out to her her pain; his healing touch is real. Neverthe-
mother. Liza, lost in a dissocia�ve fugue, failed less, Liza needs to experience Christ’s redemp-
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