Page 87 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 15

Bart Gooijer (Netherlands)
Comment to “Attachment

or dependency”

In the article Attachment or dependency Lidiia
Kondratyk provides an interesting overview of
attachment theory, relating it to spiritual deve- Bart Gooijer,
lopment. The article starts out by defining at- Psychologist
tachment as ‘a deep and strong emotional con- in private
nection that connects one person to another in group practice at Integro, Hardenberg
time and space’. A healthy attachment relati- and Rijssen, the Netherlands. Secretary of
onship is characterized as provisional for basic the board of the Christian Association for
emotional needs. Next, the article describes the Psychiatrists, Psychologists and Psycho-
staged development of attachment of children therapists (CVPPP) in the Netherlands
in the first year of life. With attachment needs
being either sufficiently of unsufficiently met, bart.gooijer@christelijketherapie.nl
the child develops one of four more-or-less
stable attachment styles: secure, ambivalent,
avoidant, or disorganized. The attachment rela-
tionship thus becomes 1. a secure (or insecure)
base from which the child ventures out to ex- objects, substances, performance, or imperso-
plore the world, and 2. a safe haven to which to nal sexual behavior. Lack of secure childhood
return for (hopefully good enough) protection attachment is replaced by adult dependency
and nurture. which continually gives only temporary relief,
possibly leading to addiction. This important
From this point onwards, Kondratyk starts observation on deviating attachment behavior
drawing some interesting analogies between culminates in the article’s grand emphasis on
attachment in children and spiritual develop- the importance of fulfillment of childhood at-
ment. The first set of analogies follow Neufeld tachment needs by parents, not in the least be-
and Maté (2005) in their six stages of the de- cause of this being fundamental to an ability to
velopment of secure attachment in childhood, establish deep connection with God.
with central themes being: proximity, sameness,
belonging, significance, love, and being known. I appreciate Kondratyk’s article especially for
For each of these staged developmental themes, its good summary of the basics of attachment
the article explores some analogies with similar theory - and then venturing out to describe par-
themes in the development of attachment-to- allels between human attachment and relating
God spirituality. Back again to the attachment to God. In this respect the article will hopefully
styles, the article then describes more analogies be an impetus to further investigation and phe-
- between each of the four attachment styles nomenological description of spiritual attach-
and four corresponding ways of relating to God. ment processes. When it comes to Kondratyk’s
The last section of the article focuses on adult analogies between childhood attachment and
attachment style as based on childhood attach- spiritual development, I have four comments.
ment experience. When childhood attachment 1. There is one part that I do not quite under-
needs have been only partially met or not met stand about the described analogies between
at all, some kind of dependency ensues. Unful- staged themes of development and spirituality.
filled attachment needs are later on compensa- What warrants the switch from spiritual attach-
ted by codependent relationships or replaced by ment to God in stages one and two, to attach-
impersonal attachments to something such as ment to the faith community in stages three and

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