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mature woman. Moreover, she did not hear His adventures, when he returned to the castle, he
Voice from the outside any more, she interna- was mature enough to “disobey” the Code and
lised it. Now she heard it within her heart. She asked the question which flew from his heart.
made her choice and her Father was confident This led him to finally find the Grail. He inter-
that she would manage. He let her make use of nalised the spirit not the letter of the Law.
her curiosity, and explore the world on her own,
but he neither ceased to love her nor left her. Now: who was more mature: the brother who
And so we may see this story not as a story of left his father and chose to find his own way or
a Fall but as a story of Growth, painful though the brother who never left the house and stayed
as it was. with the father in the parable of “Prodigal Son”?
A wolf mother nurtures her newborn puppies I think that it was actually the prodigal son,
when they need milk. When they grow up a bit who was more securely bonded to his Father:
she bites them to teach them to live and cope he managed to “disobey” but he also managed
(see: Hbr 5: 13-14: “Anyone who lives on milk, to come back and accept reconciliation and for-
being still an infant, is not acquainted with the giveness. The older brother was more anxious-
teaching about righteousness. But solid food ambivalent, although paradoxically, he seemed
is for the mature, who by constant use have to be more obedient and closer to his father.
trained themselves to distinguish good from
evil.”). So secure attachment does not necessa- I am writing all this to make just one therapeu-
rily mean: unison of though and world view. tic point. Our task as therapists who are due
Secure attachment may involve: pain, challenge to form a secure attachment environment is to
and development, curiosity, rebellion and “di- allow our patient‘s “disobedience”, to allow the
sobedience”. to question our own convictions and beliefs, to
help them to develop into full and complex hu-
Similarly, when Percival searched for the Holy man beings.
Grail he came to a castle, where he met a sick
King. Percival was a righteous, virtuous knight, As Carl Rogers once said: “People are just as
following the honorary Code of Chivalry. The wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I
Code ordered a knight not to ask any unneces- look at a sunset, I don‘t find myself saying, „Sof-
sary questions, so Percival did not ask the King: ten the orange a bit on the right hand corner.“
“My Lord, how can I ease your pain?” although I don‘t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe
his heart urged him to bring relief to this poor as it unfolds.” - That is probably the essence of
sick man. He acted according to the Code, but secure environment, (next to love, so aptly un-
failed to find the Holy Grail. Only after many derlined by Leena): let our patients be!
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