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Crucifixion the father that only cared about money. The
Sigmund Freud famously said that “the trans- patient with whom I have become too at ease,
ference is indeed a cross” (Freud, 1910). As the might respond with cool withdrawal and com-
psychotherapist moves from incarnation into pliance, hiding a seething anger at my neglect,
a rhythm of relating, distortions and disagree- similar to the quiet but unrelenting anger and
ments begin to occur. Limits must be set, ghosts neglect we both might have encountered in
from the past appear, old battle lines are drawn. childhood. “Good therapy…puts both partici-
In the depths of these distortions the Holy Spirit pants in touch with a pain that they have not felt
guides us to continue loving without retaliation before, a pain that enables memory as opposed
and without sacrificing truth. to repetition … memories that must be borne
In the Mother/Child Relationship and grieved (Pizer, 2003, p. 17).
Small differences between mother and infant ul- The therapist, realizing the necessity of brin-
timately grow into more crucial differences and ging past into present, surrenders to a process
to a battle of wills. The infant is affectively disre- in which he or she will endure the pain of cru-
gulated during mother’s inattention, absence or cifixion both because of patient distortions and
refusal to immediately satisfy the infant’s wis- failures by the therapist that mirror the patient’s
hes. Mother is no longer loving or benevolent, past. The patient’s surrender to the process is no
but withholding and bad. less painful and usually frightening. For each,
The infant/child must discover that mother’s surrender to a process led by the Holy Spirit,
care is freely given and not the result of coer- leads to growing understanding and care, as
cion or manipulation. The mother will at times well as a disconnection from the distorting me-
react negatively, and distort the pleas of her mories of the past.
child. She must understand that her child’s pro-
tests are not the result of evil intent but based Resurrection
on its desperation. Mother and infant progress Resurrection is the point in Hegel’s narrative
through repeated instances of distortion and where new creation and relating begins and suf-
clarity, leading to a more stable experience of fering is transformed into creative possibilities.
each other as separate individuals with rhythms, No longer do ghosts of the past dominate relati-
needs, and limitations. Through this, the infant/ onships, but people are seen for who they really
child becomes capable of respecting the needs are. A capacity for gratitude develops with its
of others in his/her life. desire to be generous to others.
In the Mother/Child Relationship
In the Consultation Room As the child matures and separates from the
From the beginning of treatment, the psycho- mother, he/she begins to see the parent as a be-
therapist sensitively adapts to the needs of the nevolent person who cares for them. With this
patient. Over time, the needs of therapist and capacity to see others in a new way, the child is
patient begin to conflict. The therapist who had now capable of gratitude for the care received.
been experienced by the patient in an idealized The early smiles of the infant brought delight
fashion, is now experienced as a painful figure to the parents, the earliest responses of an in-
in the patient’s past. The patient’s perceptions fant to the good it is receiving. A child’s greatest
and the feelings that lurk within, trigger enact- expression of gratitude to the parent occurs
ments fueled by painful, unmourned, memories in time when the good gifts of faith and love
(Mangis, 2007). which the child has received are in turn given
The patient wanting frequent schedule chan- to others. This resurrection of the internalized
ges, when met by an unyielding response might good parent is the indirect gift which the parent
cancel sessions. In this, we both experience pre- receives.
vious memories of feeling unheard and being
rejected. The person who fails to pay at the end In the Consultation Room
of the month might respond to my request for Emerging from the chaos of the patient’s story,
payment with an accusation that I am just like a new birth occurs in which the therapist is no

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