Page 64 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 7

Foundational Discussions in Christian Psychology

2 - Love, Forgiveness and Community common ways of getting stuck and are either
We are, undoubtedly, relational beings from addressed or continued throughout life as some
before our birth, but social questions take on learn to detach and others form very unstable
a whole new consciousness when we deve- patterns of relating. Those who are relational-
lop what psychologists call a “theory of mind,” ly passive may be able to thrive in relationships
the awareness that what goes on in my mind and communities as long as others do the work
is different from what goes on in the minds of but feel powerless to reach out to individuals or
others, even those closest to me. That this ability actively build community when there is no clear
(around the age of four) newly enables both em- invitation. Finally, many are unable to respond
pathy and deception testifies to the complexity to relational damage, remaining trapped in bit-
of our new social world. terness or resentment for long periods of time,
This second facet deals with finding our way in unable to choose or even imagine forgiveness.
this challenging social reality, primarily dealing No paths to reconciliation seem available, and
with the building and/or re-building (healing) the damage spreads and affects more relation-
of relationships and social networks. Attach- ships.
ment theorists have provided a rich basis with A central spiritual question has to do with wh-
which we can understand how we engage with ether there exists a Love transcendent to our
these social realities in ways that have been si- human experience. Do we have an experienced
gnificantly shaped by our earliest relationships. relationship with God? If so, in what ways does
Lesson One – We find ways to deal with our alo- this enable or provide an example for our hu-
neness and explore ways to reach out to others. man relationships? Does God forgive? On what
We learn ways to respond when others reach terms?
out to us. We form different levels of trust with
different people and negotiate how close or di- 3 - Freedom and Change
stant we want to be. We develop a tendency to The essence of the third facet is our need to see
be either primarily single-focused (self-centred) and move beyond the weaknesses of the con-
or dual-focused (empathic). texts and systems of understanding in which
Lesson Two – We find ways to respond to the we find ourselves. As I struggled with concep-
threats to our relationships and develop ways tualising this third facet, I wondered if it is best
to repair or otherwise cope with relationships understood as a bifurcated season in which we
when we wrong others or they wrong us. Skills often choose one of two potential pathways. Yet,
of acknowledging mistakes and weakness, ex- I would hesitate to say that it is necessarily bi-
pressing remorse and apology, and choosing furcated; an integration of the two pathways is
forgiveness are central keys which then open possible while being somewhat challenging to
the door to the renegotiation of trust. We find maintain. I will describe them, however, as two
ways to respond to our own sense of failure or sub-facets that tend to be separate.
inadequacy, hopefully enabling a return to or
maintenance of self-worth and confidence. A) Revolution and Resistance. This sub-facet
Lesson Three – We take an active part in buil- focuses on breaking free from a perceived sy-
ding community and culture, gaining some stemic problem or limitation.
sense of our roles. We find our place in a cluster Lesson One – We take responsibility to resist
of relationships and a network of communities. evil and wrongdoing, often leaning toward eit-
We explore the invitations and limits of com- her active or passive resistance or choosing bet-
mitment and loyalty: who do we identify as our ween violent and non-violent ways to resist. We
people and who are our enemies? We learn the learn to discern the presence of evil, harm or
appropriate times to compete or collaborate. destructiveness in ideas or in actions, in perso-
Getting Stuck – There are many ways to get stuck nal lives and in social systems.
rather than progress in our ability to construct Lesson Two – We begin to see what is not wor-
and restore relationships. Development of in- king in our primary constructions of reality –
secure attachment styles summarize the more our first understandings of truth. We see the

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