Page 7 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 16

Brett Vaden

Brett Vaden (USA) is the Associate Pastor of The Journey West
County in St. Louis, MO. Brett trained at Moody Bible Institute
(B.A., Biblical Languages) and The Southern Baptist Theological
Seminary (M.Div., Ph.D.). Brett has a passion for helping people
seek to know God as he is revealed in his Son Jesus Christ and to
follow him. Brett is married to Rachael, and they have three child-
ren: Story (12), Arrow (10), and Harmony (9).

bvaden@thejourney.org

A Christian Perspective on the story in our marriage.

True Self and False Self “I’m not okay with this! I asked you to grab
the camera charger, and you told me you
would, but you didn’t.”
My wife and I were on vacation in Colorado. “Look, I’m sorry! I just forgot. There was a
One morning, we drove out for a day-excur- lot happening and it just slipped my mind.”
sion with our three young kids. Earlier as I “This isn’t about the camera. It’s you. When
was packing up the van, she had asked me I ask you for something that I care about,
to grab the camera charger (this was before you don’t treat it like it’s important to you.
the days of high-quality smartphone came- You just shrug it off.”
ras). But as we drove down the highway, an “Look, I’m not meaning to hurt your fee-
hour into our trip, she asked me where the lings. I just forget...”
charger was so she could plug the camera And, so on, for a couple of hours. At one
into the van’s charging port. I realized then point in the conversation, however, I finally
that I had forgotten to grab it; probably, in realized what Rachael was getting at, and it
the bustle of packing, something else had hit me like a ton of bricks:
pushed her request out of my thoughts. As “It’s like you’re asking me to change who I
this realization dawned on me, she asked, am. I’m a laid-back person. If I forget to do
“You remembered to pack it, right?” things, or others forget to do things, it’s not
“Oh no, I guess I forgot it. Whoops!” I re- a big deal to me. Forgive and forget. But
plied nonchalantly. I was trying to make you’re wanting me to become a radically
light of it. After all, it was just a mistake, and different person. It’s like you’re asking me
a very natural one considering all the other to change my personality. It’s like you’re as-
things I had my mind on. We’d be fine, ma- king me to die.”
king memories without having to stop and “Yes, that’s what I’m asking you to do.”
take pictures of them. No big deal. Or so I “Oh.”
assumed. I don’t remember exactly how our conver-
My wife, Rachael, did not share my fra- sation ended, but I know that by the end, I
ming of the situation. While I automatically had come to a profound recognition: some
shrugged off my mistake as a mere acci- of the most basic ways I had seen myself
dent—something I didn’t mean to do—she up to that point—aspects of myself that I
considered it part and parcel of a bigger would have taken for granted as just “me”

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