Page 64 - EMCAPP-Journal No. 10

more and more perfect by daily growth, and ne- the human heart to overflowing—that I can see
ver arriving at the limits of perfection.” For Gre- clearly “every speck of dust,” ever sin no mat-
gory, human “perfection consists in our never ter how great or small without being crushed
stopping in our growth in good, never circum- by the weight of my failings. As Ware (p. 47)
scribing our perfection” but instead constantly writes:
striving to become by grace what Christ is by The sequence is not to repent first, and then to
nature in the happy expression of St. Athanasius become aware of Christ; for it is only when the
of Alexandria. light of Christ has already in some mea¬sure
entered our life that we begin truly to under-
Formation of Conscience and the Re-Cente- stand our sinfulness. To repent, says St John of
red Life Kronstadt, is to know that there is a lie in our
The Orthodox celebration of confession sug- heart; but how can we detect the presence of
gests that the goal of conscience formation is a lie unless we have already some sense of the
to facilitate or support our call to change and truth? In the words of E. I. Watkin, “Sin…is the
change frequently. shadow cast by the light of God intercepted by
The turning or re-centering must be constantly any attachment of the will which prevents it il-
renewed; up to the moment of death, as Abba luminating the soul. Thus knowledge of God gi-
Sisoes realized, the “change of mind” must be- ves rise to the sense of sin, not vice versa.” As the
come always more radical, the “great under- Desert Fathers observe, “The closer we come to
standing” always more profound. In the words God, the more we see that we are sinners.”And
of St Theophan the Recluse, “Repentance is the they cite Isaiah as an example of this: first he
starting point and foundation stone of our new sees the Lord on His throne and hears the se-
life in Christ; and it must be present not only raphim crying “Holy, holy, holy;” and it is only
at the beginning but throughout our growth in after this vi¬sion that he exclaims, “Woe is me!
this life, increasing as we advance” (Ware, p. 46). For I am lost; for I am a man of un¬ clean lips”
In the final analysis, repentance is not simply (Is 6:1-5).
“an openness to the Last Things”—specifically, To acquire then the “image of repentance,” then
death and the judgment of God—but also the is not simply to reorient one’s life to the Holy
ability and willingness “to recognize that the Trinity—necessary as this is for salvation—but
Kingdom of heaven is in our midst, at work also to experience a transformation in how I see
among us, and that if we will only accept the myself, my neighbor and creation. To acquire
coming of this Kingdom all things will be made the “image of repentance” is to undergo a trans-
new for us” that is the proper goal of conscience formation of how I see the world of persons,
and so its formation. events and things that make up my everyday
Of particular interest to the clinician as much life.
as the priest is that part of what is made new in Without this transformation in my self-aware-
repentance is our self-understanding. Whether ness and all that flows from it, means I remain
our practice is clinical or pastoral, it is impor- bound not only by my own sins and the myriad
tant to keep in mind this reorientation of the failures and missteps in my life but these reali-
person’s self-image is wholly positive. It is not ties in your life as well. Those who have not, or
a matter of recognizing my sin and seeking out will not, experience this transformation while
His mercy but of experiencing His mercy and they are able to
realizing my own sinfulness. It is only after I feel sorrow for their past acts, … say in their
have glimpsed something of “light of Christ” despair, “I cannot forgive myself for what I
that I am able to perceive the darkness in my have done.” Unable to forgive themselves, they
own heart. But as “long as a room is in dar- are equally incapable of believing that they are
kness, observes St Theophan the Recluse, we do forgiven by God, and likewise by other human
not notice the dirt.” It’s only when my heart is beings. Such people, de¬spite the intensity of
flooded by divine light—and given the Infinite their anguish, have not yet properly repented.
nature of God, how can the light of God not fill They have not yet attained the “great understan-

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